and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
