If i come over, it means nothing
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
