my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have tasted many bathrooms
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
