How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dear god my vagina.
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