why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize