I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
