i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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