I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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