I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
