Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
