i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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