evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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