and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
