3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
