Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
