i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
