we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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