She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You're a waste of cheezeits
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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