Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
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dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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