I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
