ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
