does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
