I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
