so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
