his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
