Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
