hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
