even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize