My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
