I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
