He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
