He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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