If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
