I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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