My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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