Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
