I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
