My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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