so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fuck me I smell like cheese
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
