New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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