how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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