If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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