hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
