Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
