Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
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Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
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Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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