i just wanna soil my oats bro
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
