May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
