where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think people are normalizing furries
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
