Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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