Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
