New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
