yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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