You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
