4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
