How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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