She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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