turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
