That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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