So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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