ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
