i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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