4 words: hood of his car
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
