I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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