hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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