it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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